


i wanna follow you down

by wastedandalone



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Based on a One Direction Song, Bucky Barnes Has Nightmares, Bucky Barnes Has PTSD, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Bucky Barnes Recovering, Bucky Barnes's Trigger Words, Captain America Steve Rogers/Modern Bucky Barnes, Domestic Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Headcanon, Light Angst, M/M, Protective Steve Rogers, Song Lyrics, Steve Rogers and the 21st Century, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Winter Soldier Bucky Barnes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-27
Updated: 2020-01-27
Packaged: 2021-02-25 10:47:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,309
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22431043
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wastedandalone/pseuds/wastedandalone
Summary: playlist for this work:strong - one directionlose you - noah gundersenso what - noah gundersenwhite blood - oh wonder//it was time for Bucky to stop running from his feelings and finally admit to Steve he loves him.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Kudos: 21





	i wanna follow you down

_ my hands, your hands tied up like two ships. drifting, weightless, waves try to break it. I’d do anything to save it. why is it so hard to say it? _

  


bucky had just returned to the compound after another winter soldier mission. this time, he was to murder a hydra traitor. he was trying his hardest to forget his sequence, but hydra had fucked him up so badly he wasn't sure he ever would. tony stark, the man whose psychiatric care he was under, was well aware of his trigger words and never used them, in any order or one at a time, unless he absolutely had to. his beloved best friend and hopefully, soon-to-be boyfriend always cared for him after these missions. tony knew bucky needed steve to decompress. bucky hated going on these missions and hated that he couldn't stop himself from going on these missions, but until tony figured out the technology hydra used to brainwash bucky, he was at hydra's mercy. steve hated it, but he would never turn his back on his best friend, especially not when said best friend came home and collapsed in his lap, full gear still on. as soon as the killing was over, bucky would return to his normal self, switching out of his winter soldier mode. he was always terrified he'd hurt steve while still in winter soldier mode, since at one point steve  _ was _ his mission. however, the captain helped him out of that fear. he'd always ease bucky,  _ his _ bucky, into his lap after a mission and hold him until he'd calm down. it was bucky’s favorite part of coming home. 

  


_ my heart, your heart, sit tight like bookends. pages between us, written with no end. so many words we’re not saying. don’t wanna wait till it’s gone. you make me strong.  _

  


this time was no different as bucky dropped his utility belt immediately after stepping into the living room. steve was on the couch watching some old cartoon, and let out a small grunt as the opposing super soldier curled himself into steve’s chest, plopping himself on steve’s lap. bucky’s hair was sweaty and marled but steve still put his fingers in it, attempting to comb out the tangles. he looked like he’d had a rough fight, steve thought. 

  


“hi, honey,” steve cooed out, feeling bucky’s rapid heartbeat even though the layers of rough clothing. bucky sighed in response. steve’s large hand cupped buck’s face, feeling the stubble beneath his fingertips. 

  


“how are you feeling, buck?”

“m’okay,” the soldier replied. “I missed you.” 

“I’m glad you’re back, sweetheart. do you wanna shower?” 

bucky halfheartedly chuckled. “are you telling me I stink?” 

he was obviously sweaty, and most likely did stink, but steve didn’t mind. he was just glad to have his soldier home in his lap, where he should be.

“no, honey, usually you wanna shower first thing when you get home, but I don’t mind this.”

usually bucky wasn’t this cuddly, but right now he just wanted to be close to steve. he wouldn't admit it, but this one hit him a little harder than he wanted it to. that's why he was perfectly content with being held for the moment. bucky sunk lower into steve and wrapped his arms around the blond's neck, holding on for dear life. he didn't want to lose this moment. they meant everything to bucky, kept him sane. steve turned the volume down on the show he'd been watching. he had one hand around the soldier's waist, and once the remote was dropped, the other cradled bucky's face, his thumb stroking across the stubble that had grown. steve looked down at his baby, what he wished was his baby. 

  


"cap?" a yawn escaped bucky's lips as he attempted to continue his sentence, "ready to shower now." his head fell against steve's shoulder, expecting to be picked up and carried to the large stone shower. the captain knew exactly what he was thinking; he'd done it a million times before. they'd get in the shower together, water as hot as they could stand it, and steve would massage and wash his buck until he was ready to get out and either sleep or eat. before he obliged, steve took off bucky's combat boots, alleviating some of the strain on his legs. he scooped bucky up from his lap, and they made their way down the hall.

  


however, bucky was extra clingy today, and steve didn't mind. he wasn't sure what bucky would do in the shower, but he wasn't worried. he set the soldier down on the cool marble floor, first taking off his jacket and t-shirt and discarding them in the corner. steve turned on the shower to warm it up as they both finished removing their clothes. bucky stepped in first, letting the warm water from the waterfall showerhead wash over his tired and sore muscles. when steve stepped in, his arms instinctively went around steve’s neck, his head going to the blond’s chest. the captain felt bucky’s stubble rub against his chest, and it was a feeling he’d always love, no matter where it was. cuddling in bed, in the shower, laying against each other in the pool on a sunny day. steve loved his bucky so much, he realized, as he looked down to the brunete. steve grabbed the shampoo, lathering it up to rub into bucky’s scalp. the soldier released a breath he didn’t realize he’d been holding. 

  


“you always do this so much better than I can. my hair always feels better when you wash it,” bucky spoke up. 

“probably because I use conditioner, love,” steve laughed. bucky smiled. 

“that just may have something to do with it.”

  


the shower continued on, bucky melting more into steve as time passed. rogers could feel his brunet lover relaxing more into his touch, and steve loved it. he loved that he was someone bucky could trust and be this intimate with. they had come out to each other a couple years ago, though steve had developed feelings much sooner than that. bucky would never admit it, but he had too. he had been waiting for the perfect moment to tell steve, but it just never seemed to come. however, bucky was ready to say something. he knew it couldn’t wait forever. 

  


the pair hopped out of the shower, and each of the boys grabbed a towel from the cabinet, drying off. steve grabbed bucky's bourbon bath and body works lotion off the vanity. bucky was slipping on a clean pair of plaid boxers. steve began rubbing the lotion into bucky's sore shoulder, taking extra care with the pink marred flesh where his metal arm met the skin. he continued down his soldier's human arm, all the way down to his fingertips. the bathroom air was heavy with steam still, smelling like sandalwood and coconuts. the blond's hands ran down bucky's chest, over his toned muscles, making sure he didn't miss a spot. bucky always loved when steve put lotion on him. it made him feel wanted and loved, like someone saw him for who he was, not the assassin hydra made him to be. steve's old captain america shirt fell over bucky's muscular shoulders easily, worn out grey sweatpants going on the same. steve donned an army t-shirt and black pajama pants, looking cuddly as ever, bucky thought. the two made their way out of the bathroom, and bucky grabbed steve's hand, leading him to steve's bedroom. bucky always told him that he liked cap's room better, because it felt more like home. steve melted every time. when they walked in, bucky put the needle down on the last record they'd been listening to. it was something more modern,  _ lover  _ by noah gundersen. "lose you" came on softly over the speakers as bucky grabbed on to steve's waist. bucky hummed along to the familiar tune.

  


_ "'cause I don't wanna give you up, I don't wanna lose you now.  _

_ now that we're falling, I wanna follow you down.  _

_ if you got something to say, say it now, 'cause I'm dying to hear you.  _

_ I don't wanna give you up, I don't wanna lose you now…"  _

  


steve kissed the top of bucky's head, just a little peck, but enough to get his attention. bucky looked up into cap's blue eyes and smiled. he was so beautiful. here, as they danced in cap's room, hair still wet and both tired, bucky decided now was the time. he couldn't let the love of his life slip away. 

  


_ I'm sorry if I say I need you, but I don't care, I'm not scared of love. 'cause when I'm not with you I'm weaker, is that so wrong? is it so wrong that you make me strong?  _

  


"steve?" bucky cooed over the music. 

"yeah, buck?" the soldier felt the blond's chest vibrating from his voice. bucky stopped swaying and looked up at steve. 

"you know I love you, right?" steve looked confused. 

"well yeah, you're my best friend," he answered. bucky sighed. 

"no, I mean… I love you. as more than friends. I have for a while. I just didn't want to tell you because I was scared of how you'd react and I didn't wanna lose you as my best friend but God, I had to tell you. if I didn't I was gonna—" 

steve cut him off with a kiss, cupping the brunet's face in his hands. he put all the emotions he'd been harboring for the past two years into the kiss. he'd waited for so long to do this. bucky's lips moved against his perfectly, and he was so glad this moment could finally happen. 

  


when they both pulled back they were breathless. bucky noticed he had his hands tangled in the hair that fell from the nape of steve's neck. this felt right, he thought. like it was meant to be. after catching their breath, bucky looked into steve's eyes, trying to find the words to say. he settled on, "I'm done being scared of love. I need you, cap. you make me strong."

  


steve smiled at him. "be my boyfriend, james buchanan barnes," he whispered. 

"it would be my honor, my love. kiss me again." 

  


steve obliged, kissing bucky more passionately this time.  _ boyfriend.  _ that title felt good. "so what" came through the record player's speakers, and bucky had to admit, nobody could make heartbreak sound as good as noah gundersen. even though everything was absolutely perfect, bucky still felt these songs deep in his soul, and it felt good. it felt good to be able to understand something so deeply, something that wasn't just associated with  _ longing. rusted. seventeen. daybreak. furnace. nine. benign. homecoming. one. freight car, soldier?  _ ready to comply. 

  


steve sang the chorus that meant so much to buck to him. "slow down, look up. stop acting so tough. say I love you way too much. and if it kills, so what?" 

  


bucky's heart soared. there was nowhere else he'd rather be than here. this was everything he could've ever asked for and more. to finally be with steve felt like, at long last, coming home to something that wasn't empty or frozen. steve made him whole and warm. with cap, he wasn't the winter soldier. he was james bucky barnes, and that meant more to him than anything else. he loved steve more than he'd ever loved anyone or anything ever, and he was over the moon that he was finally his boyfriend. 

  


bucky yawned in steve's arms, and that signaled to the captain that his soldier was ready to go to bed. it may have been mid-afternoon, but when bucky was tired, he could sleep on a bed of nails. 

  


"tired, baby?" steve asked. bucky nodded. 

"carry me." 

steve scooped him up easily, carrying him the short distance to the bed from where they'd been dancing. steve deposited his soldier on the soft memory foam mattress, letting him sink into the plush blankets and two pillows he always slept on. he gave the sleepy brunete the teddy bear he always slept with. steve made him a black bear with a gay pride shirt and a lavender scent for valentine's day a few years back, mainly for when steve was on missions and bucky needed to decompress, but the soldier had taken to cuddling it when he came home, too, or when he woke up from a nightmare, or if he was feeling anxious… bucky wouldn't admit it, but it was the only material thing he had left that brought him comfort. 

  


bucky took his baby bear in his arms, gripping it tight, while steve went to turn the record player off. as he walked back over to the bed, he smiled. this was a sight he'd seen a million times before, but now it was different. plus, seeing a world famous assassin snuggling a little black bear that was practically swamped by bucky's muscles was something he'd never get used to. he loved it more every time. 

  


"stop staring and get in bed, rogers," bucky chided. steve chuckled. 

"as you wish, baby bear." 

  


steve climbed in bed, settling next to bucky, wrapping one hand around his love's waist and letting the other rest under his own pillow. bucky began "adjusting" himself with his butt against steve's crotch. he smirked to himself as he felt steve start to get hard. all the sudden, there were lips attaching to his neck and jaw. 

  


"haven't even been together 24 hours, and you're already giving me hickeys? that's a new record, rogers," bucky teased. 

"shut up, it's your fault," steve retorted. 

"whatever." 

steve lightly kissed behind bucky's ear, silently laughing as bucky drifted off to sleep in his arms. he could get used to this. 

  


_ is it so wrong that you make me strong?  _

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> please leave me stevebucky prompts if you wish <3 -m


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